The Last Winner (Part One)

Have you betray me? You going for affair? But you would not admit it….

I have to trust instinct?Will we be apart? Because you will be with him?

Loving you is scaring me, whom that welcomed from everyone, too cute that frightening

If you go I have to chase, causing you and me are too exhausted.

I just want you  to be most steady partner

Often I have a nightmare that someone snatch you

In fact I fear I am the one who are back up

To protect you, block with my arms, to avoid you have contact with opponent

I realize the end that I do not love you

But at first I just want to save my dignity

The final result I have won I got your heart.

Why do I fear that face you for lifetime, I always have to accommodate you.

Moon(Lunar) Eclipse

Hint of shadow out of the fault, watching the full moon has been designated on the crack.

This change made an instant star dust, No sound, No sign, No emotion.

When your shadow impact on my soul, and use gravitation jinx my luck

Blocking  all of the star to tears of occlusion, progressively happening, and constantly dimming.

The moon is dead, no escape to the deadline beforehand, the heart has already dead.

The moment of Lunar Eclipse, Magnetic field seemed to be separated, and you have to leave.

Eclipse that moment,  from the existence to abandon, eroding of this land.

Wait and see for the final phase, will buried alive by its own.

As the moon’s surface looks more attracting, the front is glamorous but back is a crack front

The heart has filled with scars of impact, More scar, more deep, more thought, more cruel

This moment not afraid of darkness’s arrival. The ending of the story is not attracting anymore.

Purely and simply like Stars and moon sinking.  Sinking the end, Moon dies… life perish…

The moon is dead, no escape to the deadline beforehand, the heart has already dead.

The moment of Lunar Eclipse, Magnetic field seemed to be separated, and you have to leave.

Eclipse that moment,  from the existence to abandon, eroding of this land.

Wait and see for the final phase, will buried alive by its own.

Watching this misplaced moon reminds me of

Execution is you, and cry to death

At last the moon has no escape to the deadline beforehand, the heart has already dead.

The moment of Lunar Eclipse, Magnetic field seemed to be separated, and you have to leave.

Eclipse that moment,  from the existence to abandon, eroding of this land.

Wait and see for the final phase, will buried alive by its own.

In the darkness this bat transform to human, watching this world being tortured by love and hate

The dark has passed and the shining light will arrive, his nibbled up soul will return someday.

Mistake ≠ Bad

In the road of growing, a lot people have encounter a lot of different things everyday, and also there will be mistake in between of the encounters, nowadays the younger generations(YG) expect differently compare to the older generations(OG). OG will learn from mistake and not try to repeat the mistake, but for YG, they expect help from someone and would not try to learn from it, ends up repeating the mistake over and over again. YG are they not as tough as OG, also have less tolerance than OG. As I, one of the YG, depend on others help too much, it may be nice to have someone to help, but as a learning perspective, i have not really learn anything because I didn’t figure out what the mistake was or what is the cause to make such mistake. I would say maybe from now on, better of thinking what I had done wrong in the pass, and gain wisdom from it. In the future, maybe I will learn not to do it again.

New Day = New Begining?

Today is just a brand new day, but sorry i didn’t hit the hay. I couldn’t go to sleep at all, I have been up for about 36 hours already, but I am still not tired at all. Is it because I couldn’t get an answer from the question I have in my mind? Or is it because I am scared when I shut my eye, I will not able to open my eyes again? I don’t even know it myself…Today I read a book and it is about suicide and self-mutilation. Isn’t that is me? Images just floating in my mind. After the scar has healed up. It is a brand new beginning of the story and new scar to be born. Pain is one of the things that makes a person feel alive. Happiness is just beginning of sorrowful story. Sadness is just the middle part of story, and Pain is the end of story. Each day, there are people going through those. A person want to be in pain, so that they become happy?

Simple to Complication

Sometimes a simple question could end up a complicate situation, just like do you want to play with me, if not i will go find someone else to play with? To most people, it is just a simple and straight forward question. Yes and No could even conclude the answer. And (Him) has to think it is has more to that, and think that it has attitude involve in it. Seriously, I would not even care if he doesn’t want to come along or not, I am just giving a invitation, just answer the question. That could be the end of it. “Of course life is has to more complicated, it has more than what is on the surface.” I am so tired of that. I don’t even know why one simple line of question could just end up thirty lines of argument. Everyone had their past, and made mistake, but the worst is a person hold a grudge on it, and post that image in that person’s mind as a model. Not letting the past go, and not believing a person can change. What good does that do? And also which mean not giving an opportunity to be improve. Staying in square one could be a good solution to some situation, but that could not apply to everything. I have already tried to make it simple, but if someone has to place my past to suit how I am right now, so be it! Than I will be the past. Don’t blame me for me, it is (him) that place me to this position.

I just wish i can jump into the abyss

So today, (Him) and I talking again. We talked quite a while, I still really like him. Love is a really complicate thing, but one thing for sure is, there is no win or lose in it, only love or don’t love. It is hard to decide in the between of them. Love (him) hurts because of what had happened, don’t love him hurts because that is force myself to do it. I am standing in the position that I could not have a good ending, I just choice to avoid it. But what good is that going to be? Sometimes I have wish that I have never meet (him) at the first place, and i wouldn’t be putting myself through this. And also i wouldn’t be in this whole cluster of mix emotions. I have already making myself as clam as possible. I just don’t know what to do anymore, and i don’t even know how to react to it anymore.

I am back!

Today April 6th 2010, I log in to this account. I decide to use this blog again.

I have never thought i would start using this again, but all of the sudden. I just feel this would be the best place to write how i felt.

Spring Break is OVER!

This week is my spring break week, i went on a date on wednesday, it was fun, at least that kill 4 hours… friday i went to a friend’s(bad girl) house. Got my hair dyed, oh it is blue and purple. So hot! But yea…  beside those two days. i just stay home like a mold… boring and dole… i wonder tomorrwo which is back to normal will be as boring or will be a interesting day…

My DDR Supernova 2 Japan Version Arrived Wednesday, so i have been playing that a lot. Just FYI DDR is Dance Dance Revolution, it is a dance stimulating game, I have been playing since 1998…and i have lose weight by playing that a lot. It works, but remember it only applies when you eat healthy, that doesn’t mean no chips or no fat food, but just make sure you burn more than you consume. Than that will make you lose weight pretty fast. For me, i am running on negatives… People usually consume 2000+ Cals, i consume maybe like 1000 a day, and plus burning from DDR…yea i need to eat more.

What!?

Ok this is my first post, so i guess i will let the reader(You) some clues about me…

I have a different background from others. I was born in Hong Kong. Fifteen years later, my parents made the decision to move me to Florida. The move weakened my Cantonese and English language skills to the point that  I will never catch up to the level of people my age. I am a college student. I enjoy music a lot, I love Techno and Rock music. Of course i still love my Chinese Pop musics! I have studied Japanese, so I love japanese music as well. Beside that i play video games, I love RPGs never get tired of them.

I have 3 set of parents, my birth parents are in Hong Kong, i was adopt by my friend’s parents when i move to the FL, and the last I have parents that live in MI which are my cyber parents. I love all of them to death!

I am not much of a happy person, i am a cutter, i cut myself a lot, and if you do not desire to read beyond this point, no one ask you to, so please don’t leave me any nasty comment. I don’t need it!

I think i have type enough for you to know right now. I will put more details about me later on.